I want to live in a world where employees get paternity/maternity leave for when a new dog or cat joins the family. It makes perfect sense!
“Snuffles, this is where you will sleep.” *
“Jujubee, this is when I will feed you.” **
“Angel Face, that’s what the backyard is for.” ***
“Forsythia, we’re going to have to change your name.” ****
“Maxwell, I’m going to have to discipline you.” *****
* “Yes, this is my chest.”
** “With intermittent snack times pending your approval.”
*** “Or at least not the living room.”
**** “No animal deserves that name.”
***** “I’ll be shortening our snuggle time by ten seconds.”
I want to live in a world where…
cheese bread actually includes chunks of detectable cheese rather than a few scattered molecules. [I mean it, we’re talkin’ molecules!]
Ditto with cookies n’ cream ice cream. If I wanted crumbs n’ cream ice cream, that’s what I’d buy. Cookies n’ cream should feature veins and lodes of the chocolate cookie. [I mean it, we’re talkin’ veins and lodes!].
© 2013 Shelly ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ . Licensed under CC-BY.
NOTE TO WRITERS: Rants require overuse of exclamation points and annoying phrasal repetition…and the use of snooty words like ‘phrasal’.